i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize