I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
