You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
