are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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