Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
