woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
