mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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