They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
