What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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