butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
