he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize