Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
