who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize