I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize