A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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