I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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