Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
