Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
