yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
