Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
