We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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