Can Purell be used as lube?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
