Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
