I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
