you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
