i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
