if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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