sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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