made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found a bag of teeth...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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