I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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