I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
