If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
