and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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