carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
