I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
