remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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