Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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