Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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