I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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