summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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