how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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