at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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