so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
