I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
