6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize