Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
