My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You pole danced in your parka.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
