it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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