is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
