So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
