I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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