so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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