mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
