You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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