That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
