Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
