I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
