So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
