You just made me feel so damn special
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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