I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
