Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize