They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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