Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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