Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dick very happy bro
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
