fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
