This gyro tastes like lonliness
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I lost the right to judge tonight
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
