After last night, I could never be a politician.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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