I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
