he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
