why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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