I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
