I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
