remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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