look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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