he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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