too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
