so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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