so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
