Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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