I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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