I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
