I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
