Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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