We named our party play list daddy issues
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
