BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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